I felt as you did, in so far as when you write that the work didn’t yet proceed as usual the very first few days, I had the same experience.
They have therefore been days that none of us will forget, and yet the overall impression isn’t terrible but only grave.1 Life isn’t long for anyone, and the question is just — to do something with it.2
The painting went better again today; the first two heads went wrong — today’s is a head of a young girl, almost a child’s head.3
As to colour, it’s a contrast of bright red and pale green against the colour of the little face; there’s already a head like it among those you took with you. I’d like to hear sometime whether those rolled-up ones arrived safely.4
If I thought that C.M. meant it when he asked for heads of children, I could send him this one I did today, but..... I can’t say I feel much inclined to enter into correspondence (unless he asks for something more specifically).
It can do no harm, though, that he’s been to the studio. I don’t mind starting a new still life of those honesty heads and dry leaves against blue either, because he said something about that too.
Of course I intend to keep working hard, but it’s very necessary for me to square my paint bill as soon as possible. Every other year, I’ve been able to get square at about this time and buy myself some new equipment. And this year I’ve painted so much the last few months that I actually need it more.
I didn’t want to keep talking about it or contradict you much when you were here — but when you said that I would change some day and, no more than Mauve stayed in Bloemendaal for ever,5 would I stay here for ever either — maybe — but — I don’t see any advantage myself in moving, because I have a good studio here and the countryside here is very beautiful.
1v:2
Don’t forget that I’m definitely convinced that a painter of peasant life can do no better than follow the example of Barbizon – dwelling and living right in the midst of what one is painting, for it’s new and different outside every day.6
In short, the two reasons for living in the country are that one can do more work and has fewer expenses.
There are about 3 months, let’s say, between now and the time you come back here in the summer.
If I work hard day after day, I can have another 20 or so studies for you by then, and moreover another twenty or so to take to Antwerp if you want. But — it’s very necessary for me to pay off my paint bill as soon as possible. You know I didn’t say another word to you about it either in February or in March.7
But I didn’t have it easy in those months, I can tell you that.
It has become colder again here. As soon as we have a few fine days, I’ll make something of the churchyard.8
I think the little head I made today is certainly as good as the one you have with a large white cap, which is something like this9[After ‘this’ (dit) Van Gogh drew a little arrow pointing to the sketches]