a. Means: ‘voor me houden, verzwijgen’ (keep to myself, withhold).

1. This refers to Kee Vos, for whom Van Gogh had developed an intense love in the summer of 1881 (see letters 179 ff.). The following December his father asked him to leave the house. The cause was Vincent’s refusal to go to church, but he himself believed that the opposition of his parents and family to a union with Kee was the real reason. At the end of December 1881 he wrote to Theo: ‘But oh, there’s actually much more to it, including the whole story of what happened this summer between me and K.V.’ (letter 194).

2. A prayer written and often recited in the family circle by Mr van Gogh; see letter 113.