3Het is weer meer dan tijd dat gij iets van mij hoort_
4Goddank het vooruitgaat met de beterschap, ik verlang 5toch zoo naar Kersmis ─ die tijd zal misschien daar 6zijn vóór wij het weten al schijnt het ook lang nog.─
7Theo/ uw broer heeft verleden Zondag voor het eerst ge- 8sproken in Gods huis/1 in de plaats waarvan staat “in deze 9plaats zal Ik vrede geven”_2 hierbij schrijf ik over wat het 10was_─ Moge het de eersteling zijn van velen_─
11Het was een helderen herfstdag en eene mooie 12wandeling van hier naar Richmond langs 13den Theems waarin de groote kastanjeboomen met 14hunne vracht van geele bladeren en de helder blaauwe lucht in spiegelden, en 15tusschen de toppen van die boomen door 16het gedeelte van Richmond dat op den heuvel 17ligt/ de huizen met hunne roode daken en vensters zonder 18gordijnen en groene tuinen en den grijzen toren er 19boven uit en beneden de groote grijze brug met de 20hooge populieren aan weêrskanten en waarover men 21de menschen als kleine zwarte figuurtjes zag gaan. 22Ik had een gevoel als iemand die uit een donker 23gewelf onder den grond weer in ’t vriendlijk daglicht 24komt toen ik op den preekstoel stond en het is mij 25eene heerlijke gedachte dat voortaan waar ik 26komen zal ik het evangelie zal prediken ─ om dat 27wel te doen moet men het evangelie in zijn hart 28hebben/ moge Hij het er scheppen.─ 32God spreekt/ daar zij licht en daar is licht_3 Hij spreekt en het is er_ Hij gebiedt en het staat er 33en het staat vast_4 Hij die ons roept is getrouw/ die het ook doen zal.─5 28Gij weet genoeg 29van de wereld, Theo, om te zien hoe een arm prediker 30nog al alleen staat, wat de wereld aangaat ─ maar 31Hij kan wekken in ons, meer en meer, de bewustheid en
1v:2 39het geloofsvertrouwen_ “En nogthans ben ik 40niet alleen want de Vader is met mij”_6
76Mijn jongen indien teleurstelling en ziekte en moeite 77ons ontmoeten/ laat ons dan Hem danken dat Hij ons 78bragt in deze uren ─ en laat ons de zachtmoedigheid niet 79vergeten want daar staat geschreven: On this man 80will I look/ even on him who is poor and sorrowful and 81who trembleth at My word.11 Gisteren avond was ik weer te Richmond12 82en wandelde daar op een groot grasveld met boomen omgeven en 83de huizen er omheen waarboven de toren uitstak_ De dauw lag op het gras en het schemerde; aan 84den eenen kant was de lucht nog vol gloed van de zon die daar was 85ondergegaan/ aan den anderen kant ging de maan op. Onder de 86boomen wandelde eene oude dame (in het zwart) met mooi grijs haar_ 87Midden op het grasveld hadden de jongens een groot vuur aange- 88stoken/ dat zag men in de verte flikkeren; ik dacht aan dat: eens aan 89den avond van mijn leven, breng ik van zorg en strijden moe, voor 90elken dag mij hier gegeven U hooger reiner loflied toe.13 à Dieu, 91een handdruk in gedachten van
34Groeten aan de Hr en Mevr. Tersteeg/ Haanebeek/ v. Stockum en allen 35bij Roos en v. Iterson en als gij den een of ander zien mogt die 36ik ken.─
37 »Uw broer was wel ontroerd toen hij stond aan den voet van den preekstoel en zijn hoofd boog en bad “Abba Vader in Uwen 38naam zij ons begin”.─
94 »Donderdag 8 dagen hoop ik in Mr Jones’ kerk te spreken:14 And the Lord added daily to the church such as should be saved/15 95over Johannes en Theagenes.16
96Psalm 119:19 I am a stranger in the earth/ hide not Thy command- 96aments from me.
97It is an old faith and it is a good faith that our life is a pilgrims progress ─ 98that we are strangers in the earth, but that though this be so/ yet we are 99not alone for our Father is with us. We are pilgrims, our life is a long walk/ a 100journey from earth to heaven.─17
101The beginning of this life is this. There is one who remembereth no more 102Her sorrow and Her anguish for joy that a man is born into the world_ 103'She is our Mother. The end of our pilgrimage is the entering in Our 104Fathers house where are many mansions/ where He has gone before us to prepare 105a place for us.─18 The end of this life is what we call death ─ it is an hour in which 106words are spoken/ things are seen and felt that are kept in the secret chambers 107of the hearts of those who stand by, ─ it is so that all of us have such things 108in our hearts or forebodings of such things_─ There is sorrow in the hour when a 109man is born into the world, but also joy19 ─ deep and unspeakable ─ thankfulness 110so great that it reacheth the highest Heavens. Yes the Angels of God/ they 111smile/ they hope and they rejoice when a man is born in the world_─ There 112'is sorrow in the hour of death ─ but there too is joy unspeakable when it is the 113hour of death of one who has fought a good fight.20 There is One who has 114'said/ I am the resurrection and the life/ if any man believeth in Me/ 115though he were dead/ yet shall he live_─21 There was an Apostle who heard 116a voice from heaven/ saying: Blessed are they that die in the Lord for 117they rest from their labour and their works follow them.22 There is joy 118when a man is born in the world but there is greater joy when a Spirit 119has passed through great tribulation/ when an Angel is born in Heaven. 120Sorrow is better than joy23 ─ and even in mirth the heart is sad24 ─ and it 121is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasts,25 for 122by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.26 Our nature 123is sorrowful but for those who have learnt and are learning to look 124at Jesus Christ there is always reason to rejoice.─ It is a good word/ 125that of St Paul: As being sorrowful yet always rejoicing.27 For those who 126believe in Jesus Christ there is no death and no sorrow that is not 127mixed with hope ─ no despair ─ there is only a constantly being born 128again/28 a constantly going from darkness into light_─29 They do not 129mourn as those who have no hope ─ Christian Faith makes life to 130evergreen life_
131We are pilgrims in the earth and strangers30 ─ we come from afar and we 132are going far_─ The journey of our life goes from the loving breast of 133our Mother on earth to the arms of our Father in heaven. Everything 134on earth changes ─ we have no abiding city here31 ─ it is the experience of 135everybody: That it is Gods will that we should part with what we dearest have 136on earth ─ we ourselves/ we change in many respects, we are not what we 137once were, we shall not remain what we are now_─ From infancy we grow 138up to boys and girls ─ young men and young women ─ and if God spares 139us and helps us ─ to husbands and wives, Fathers and Mothers in our turn, 140and then, slowly but surely the face that once had the “early dew of 141morning”32 gets its wrinkles/ the eyes that once beamed with youth and glad- 142ness speak of a sincere deep and earnest sadness ─ though they may keep 143the fire of Faith/ Hope and Charity33 ─ though they may beam with Gods 144spirit. The hair turns grey or we loose it ─ ah ─ indeed we only pass through 145the earth/ we only pass through life ─ we are strangers and pilgrims in 146the earth_34 The world passes and all its glory_─35 Let our later days be nearer to 147Thee and therefore better than these.─
148Yet we may not live on just anyhow ─ no/ we have a strife to strive and 149a fight to fight.36 What is it we must do: We must love God with all our 150strength/ with all our might/ with all our heart/ with all our soul, we must 151love our neighbour as ourselves.37 These two commandments we must keep 152and if we follow after these/ if we are devoted to this/ we are not alone 153for our Father in Heaven is with us/ helps us and guides us/ gives us strength 154day by day/ hour by hour. and so we can do all things through Christ who 155gives us might.38 We are strangers in the earth/ hide not Thy commandments 156from us_ Open Thou our eyes/ that we may behold wondrous things out of Thy 157law.39 Teach us to do Thy will40 and influence our hearts that the love of 158Christ may constrain us41 and that we may be brought to do what we must 159do to be saved.
164Our life/ we might compare it to a journey, we go from the place where we 165were born to a far off haven_ Our earlier life might be compared to sailing 166on a river, but very soon the waves become higher, the wind more violent/ 167we are at sea almost before we are aware of it ─ and the prayer from the 168heart ariseth to God: Protect me o God/ for my bark is so small and Thy sea 169is so great.─44 The heart of man is very much like the sea/ it has its storms/ 170it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too_ The heart that seeks 171for God and for a Godly life has more storms than any other. Let us see 172how the Psalmist describes a storm at sea, He must have felt the storm in 173'his heart to describe it so. We read in the 107th Psalm/ They that go down to the 174sea in ships/ that do business in great waters/ these see the works of the Lord and 175His wonders in the deep_ For He commandeth and raiseth up a stormy wind 176which lifteth up the waves thereof.─ They mount up to Heaven/ they go down 177again to the depth/ their soul melteth in them because of their trouble_ 178Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble and He bringeth them out 179of their distresses/ He bringeth them unto their desired haven.─45
180Do we not feel this sometimes on the sea of our lives_ Does not everyone 181of you feel with me the storms of life or their forebodings or their recollections?
182And now let us read a description of another storm at sea in the New 183Testament, as we find it in the VIth Chapter of the Gospel according to 184St John in the 17th to the 21st verse. And the disciples entered into a ship 185and went over the sea toward Capernaum. And the sea arose by reason 186of a great wind that blew_─ So when they had rowed about five and twenty 187or thirty furlongs, they see Jesus walking on the sea and drawing nigh 188unto the ship and they were afraid_─ Then they willingly received Him 189into the ship and immediately the ship was at the land whither they went_46 190You who have experienced the great storms of life, you over whom all 191the waves and all the billows of the Lord have gone ─ have you not heard/ 192when your heart failed for fear/ the beloved well known voice ─ with some- 193thing in its tone that reminded you of the voices that charmed your 194childhood ─ the voice of Him whose name is Saviour and Prince 195of peace,47 saying as it were to you personally ─ mind to you personally 196“It is I/ be not afraid”_48 Fear not_─49 Let not your heart be troubled.50 197And we whose lives have been calm up to now, calm in comparison 198of what others have felt ─ let us not fear the storms of life, 199amidst the high waves of the sea and under the grey clouds 200of the sky we shall see Him approaching for Whom we have so 201often longed and watched, Him we need so ─ and we shall
2v:5 202hear His voice/ It is I/ be not afraid_─ And if after an hour 203or season of anguish or distress51 or great difficulty or pain 204or sorrow we hear Him ask us “Dost Thou love me” then 205let us say/ Lord Thou knowest all things/ Thou knowest 206that I love Thee.52 And let us keep that heart full 207of the love of Christ and may from thence issue a life 208which the love of Christ constraineth.─53 Lord Thou knowest 209all things/ Thou knowest that I love Thee/ when we look back 210on our past we feel sometimes as if we did love Thee, for whatsoever 211we have loved/ we loved in Thy name. Have we not often felt as 212a widow and an orphan ─ in joy and prosperity as well/ and more 213even than under grief ─ because of the thought of Thee.─
214Truly our soul waiteth for Thee more than they that watch for 215the morning54 ─ our eyes are up unto Thee/ o Thou who dwellest 216in Heavens_─55 In our days too there can be such a thing as seeking 217the Lord.─
218What is it we ask of God ─ is it a great thing? Yes it is a great thing/ 219peace for the ground of our heart, rest for our soul ─ give us that 220'one thing and then we want not much more, then we can 221'do without many things/ then can we suffer great things for 222Thy names sake.─56 We want to know that we are Thine and that 223Thou art ours/ we want to be thine ─ to be Christians_─ We want 224a Father, a Fathers love and a Fathers approval. May the 225experience of life make our eye single57 and fix it on Thee_ May 226we grow better as we go on in life.
227We have spoken of the storms on the journey of life, but now let us speak 228of the calms and joys of Christian life_─ And yet, my dear friends/ 229let us rather cling to the seasons of difficulty and work and sorrow/ 230even for the calms are treacherous often.
231The heart has its storms, has its seasons of drooping58 but also its calms 232and even its times of exaltation_─ There is a time of sighing and 233of praying but there is also a time of answer to prayer. Weeping 234may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning_59
241My peace I leave with you61 ─ we saw how there is peace even in the storm. Thanks be 242to God who has given us to be born and to live in a Christian country_ Has any of us 243forgotten the golden hours of our early days at home, and since we left that 244home ─ for many of us have had to leave that home and to earn their living 245and to make their way in the world_─ Has He not brought us thus far/ have 246we lacked anything_62 We believe Lord/ help Thou our unbelief.63 I still feel 247the rapture/ the thrill of joy I felt when for the first time I cast a deep look 248in the lives of my Parents/ when I felt by instinct how much they were Christians_ 249'And I still feel that feeling of eternal youth and enthusiasm wherewith 250'I went to God/ saying “I will be a Christian too”_─
252Are we what we dreamt we should be? No ─ but still ─ the sorrows of life/ 253the multitude of things of daily life and of daily duties/ so much more 254numerous than we expected ─ the tossing to and fro in the world/ they 255have covered it over ─ but it is not dead/ it sleepeth_─64 The old eternal 256faith and love of Christ/ it may sleep in us but it is not dead and 257God can revive it in us. But though to be born again to eternal 258life/65 to the life of Faith/ Hope and Charity66 ─ and to an evergreen 259life ─ to the life of a Christian and of a Christian workman67 be a 260'gift of God/ a work of God ─ and of God alone ─ yet let us put the 261hand to the plough68 on the field of our heart, let us cast out 262our net once more69 ─ let us try once more ─ God knows the 263intention of the spirit/ God knows us better than we know ourselves 264for He made us and not we ourselves_70 He knows of what things 265we have need/71 He knows what is good for us_ May He give 266His blessing on the seed of His word72 that has been sown in our 267hearts.
268God helping us/ we shall get through life_─ With every temptation 269He will give a way to escape_─73
270Father we pray Thee not that Thou shouldest take us out of 271the world but we pray Thee to keep us from evil.74 Give us 272neither poverty nor riches/ feed us with bread convenient for 273us.75 And let Thy songs be our delight in the houses of our pilgrimage_ 274God of our Fathers be our God: may their people be our people/ their 275Faith our faith_─76 We are strangers in the earth, hide not Thy 276'commandments from us but may the love of Christ constrain 277us.77 Entreat us not to leave Thee or to refrain from following 278after Thee_ Thy people shall be our people/ Thou shalt be our 279God.─78
280Our life is a pilgrims progress_I once saw a very beautiful picture/79 it was a 281landscape at evening. In the distance on the right hand side a row of 282hills appearing blue in the evening mist_ Above those hills the splendour 283of the sunset/ the grey clouds with their linings of silver and gold 284and purple. The landscape is a plain or heath covered with 285grass and heather/ here and there the white stem of a birch 286tree and its yellow leaves/ for it was in Autumn. Through 287the landscape a road leads to a high mountain far far away/ 288on the top of that mountain a city whereon the setting sun casts a 289glory_ On the road walks a pilgrim/ staff in hand_ He has 290been walking for a good long while already and he is very tired. And 291now he meets a woman, a figure in black that makes 292'one think of St Pauls word “As being sorrowful yet always rejoicing”_80 293That Angel of God has been placed there to encourage the pilgrims 294and to answer their questions:
298and he asks again: And will the journey take all day long?
299and the answer is: “From morn till night my friend”.81
300And the pilgrim goes on sorrowful yet always rejoicing82 ─ 301sorrowful because it is so far off and the road so long_─ 302Hopeful as he looks up to the eternal city far away/ 303resplendent in the evening glow/ and he thinks of two old 304sayings he has heard long ago ─ the one is:
312And he says/ I shall be more and more tired but also nearer and 313nearer to Thee.85 Has not man a strife on earth? But there 314is a consolation from God in this life. An angel of God/ 315comforting men ─ that is the Angel of Charity_ Let us not 316forget Her_─ And when everyone of us goes back to daily 317things and daily duties/ let us not forget ─ that things are 318not what they seem, that God by the things of daily life teacheth 319us higher things, ─ that our life is a pilgrims progress and 320that we are strangers in the earth ─ but that we have a God and 321Father who preserveth strangers,86 ─ and that we are all 322bretheren.─87
354Nogmaals een hand in gedachten ─ gisteren avond was 355ik te Turnham Green om daar dienst te doen voor Mr Jones die 356niet wel was. Ik wandelde er heen met den oudsten jongen/ 17 357jaar maar is zoo groot als ik en heeft een baard. Hij zal later 358in de zaken gaan/ zijn Vader heeft eene groote fabriek/ hij heeft een 359braaf/ goed/ gevoelig hart en eene groote behoefte aan Godsdienst/ zijn 360hoop en verlangen is om goed te doen onder de werklieden in zijn later leven/ 361'ik recommandeerde hem “Felix Holt” van Elliott.─90 Het was mooi in 362het park91 met de oude iepen boomen in den maneschijn en de dauw op 363het gras_─ Het was mij zoo goed in ’t kerkske, ’t is een houten kerkske/92 364te spreken. Dag Theo_ Dag jongen/ ik hoop ik het zoo geschreven heb dat 365Gij het zult kunnen lezen. Houd U 366ferm en wordt maar spoedig beter.
37-38 Uw [...] begin”.─ < In the left margin on p. 1, l. 1-31 (Isleworth [...] bewustheid en).
94-95 Donderdag [...] Theagenes < In the left margin on p. 2, l. 39-93 (het geloofsvertrouwen [...] Vincent).