1r:1
My dear Theo.
You’ll perhaps find it rather harsh, what I wrote to you about Tersteeg. By no means do I take it back, though. Tersteeg is someone who is extremely hard of hearing, though I don’t consider him deaf. He must be told things very decidedly, otherwise it doesn’t penetrate his armour.
For years he’s thought me a kind of blockhead and dreamer, he still views me as such, and even says about my drawings: that’s a kind of opium daze you administer to yourself so as not to feel the pain you suffer at not being able to make watercolours. Now then, that’s very cleverly put, but that expression is actually ill-considered, superficial and doesn’t hold water (the main reason I can’t make watercolours straightaway is that I must draw more seriously and pay attention to proportion and perspective). Similarly, Mr T.’s ‘practical talks’ (say) on art couldn’t be more impracticable. It doesn’t help him even if he uses as arguments some things that could be called conversation killers, because it’s difficult to find an answer to them. Enough – I don’t deserve his reproaches, and if my drawings don’t amuse His Hon. neither does it amuse me to show them to His Hon. like that.  1v:2
He condemns drawings of mine which contain much that is good, and I hadn’t expected that of His Hon.
If I make serious studies from a model it’s a lot more practical than his practical talks about saleability or unsaleability, about which I – having dealt in paintings and drawings myself, for that matter – don’t need to be enlightened by His Hon. to the extent that he thinks.
I’d prefer, then, to lose his friendship than agree with him about this.
Although at times I’m overwhelmed by worries, all the same, I’m calm, and my calmness is based on my serious approach to my work and on reflection. Although I have moments of passion, and my disposition tends to make them worse, nonetheless I’m composed, as His Hon., who’s known me long enough, very well knows. Now he even said to me: you have too much patience.
Those words aren’t right, one can’t have too much patience in art, that word is beyond the pale. Perhaps in my case Mr H.G.T. has too little patience.
Now he must see, once and for all, that I’m setting to work seriously and won’t let myself be forced into sending work into the world that doesn’t bear the stamp of my own character. My own character is beginning to emerge particularly in my last drawings??? studies???, which Tersteeg rejected.  1v:3
Perhaps – perhaps I’d succeed even now in making something in the genre of watercolour that could perhaps be sold with a great deal of effort.
But that would be forcing watercolours to grow in the hothouse. Tersteeg and you must wait for the natural season, and it hasn’t arrived yet.
He spoke English when he was here because of the model. I said to him: in due time you shall have your watercolours, now you can’t – they are not due yet. Take your time. And I’m sticking to that. Enough.
Since T.’s visit I’ve made a drawing of an orphan boy polishing shoes. It might have been done with a hand that doesn’t exactly obey my will yet, but even so it contains the type of that orphan boy. And no matter how clumsy my hand, that hand will still have to end up doing what my head wants. So I’ve made a study of the studio with the stove, the fireplace, easel, tabouret, table &c., of course not exactly saleable just now, but very good for putting perspective into practice.1
I’m longing for you to come, you have quite a lot to see, which I’ve made since your visit last summer. Theo, I’m counting on your looking at my work with sympathy and with confidence, and not with two minds or dissatisfaction. Tersteeg thinks, because I work so much, that it’s easy, that’s where he’s also mistaken. But I’m actually a drudge or a draught ox.  1r:4
If you come, would you be sure and think of the Ingres paper? It’s the thick one in particular that I like to work on, and it seems to me it must lend itself even to studies in watercolour.
Believe me that in artistic matters the words hold true: Honesty is the best policy. Better to put a bit more effort into serious study than being stylish to win over the public. Occasionally, in times of worry, I’ve longed to be stylish, but on second thoughts I say no – just let me be myself – and express severe, rough, yet true things with rough workmanship. I won’t run after the art lovers or dealers, let those who are interested come to me.
In due time we shall reap if we faint not.2
Oh well. Listen, Theo, what a man that Millet was! I have the big work by Sensier on loan from De Bock. It interests me so much that I wake up at night and light the lamp and go on reading.3 Because during the day I have to work.
Do send me something soon if it’s at all possible. I wish that for once Tersteeg had to face a week of doing what I do on what I have to spend, he’d notice that it’s not dozing or dreaming or an opium daze, but that one has to be wide awake to combat the many difficulties that crop up. Nor is it easy to find models and to get them to pose. Most painters are driven to desperation by it. Especially when one has to scrimp – go short of – food, drink, clothing in order to pay them. Well, Tersteeg is Tersteeg and I am I. Nonetheless, rest assured, I’m not opposed to, i.e. hostile towards him, but I must make him understand that he judges me too superficially and – and – I believe that he’ll change his mind – I sincerely hope so, because being at odds with His Hon. pains me very much and makes life difficult for me. I hope your letter comes soon – my last pennies are for posting this letter. It’s only been a few days since I received the 10 guilders from Tersteeg, but that same day I had to pay 6 guilders of it to the model, to the baker, to the girl who sweeps the studio.
Adieu, I wish you health and good cheer, in spite of everything I’m not without good cheer either. I shake your hand.

Vincent

I had a very pleasant visit from Jules Bakhuyzen, and I may go and visit him whenever I wish.

Here you have a few words that struck me and moved me in Sensier’s Millet, sayings of Millet.
Art is a battle4 – you have to put your whole life into art.5
One must work like a bunch of negroes.6
I’d rather say nothing than express myself weakly.7
It was only yesterday that I read that last saying of Millet, but I’d felt the same before then, which is why I sometimes feel the need to scratch in what I feel not with a soft brush but a hard carpenter’s pencil and a pen. Watch out! Tersteeg! Watch out! You’re clearly wrong.

Theo, it’s almost miraculous!!!
First of all, a message arrives that I must go and fetch your letter. Secondly, C.M. comes, orders 12 small pen drawings from me, views of The Hague, having seen a few that were finished (Paddemoes. The Geest district – Vleersteeg were finished)8 for a rijksdaalder9 apiece, the price set by me. With the promise that if I make them to his liking he’ll order 12 more,10 but for which he’ll fix the price higher than I do. Thirdly, I run into Mauve, successfully delivered of his large painting, promises to come by soon. So, it’s fine – it’s going well – it’ll get even better!11
And something else moved me, and moved me deeply – I’d said that the model didn’t have to come today – I hadn’t said why – but the poor woman came anyway and I protested. Yes, but I’m not coming to be drawn, I’m just coming to make sure you’ve got something to eat – she had a portion of string beans and potatoes with her. There are indeed things in life that are worth the effort.

210

Br. 1990: 209 | CL: 180
From: Vincent van Gogh
To: Theo van Gogh
Date: The Hague, Saturday, 11 March 1882
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1. These drawings – of a boy polishing shoes and of Vincent’s studio – are not known.
2. See Gal. 6:9: ‘And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.’ Van Gogh wrote ‘time’ instead of ‘season’.
3. Alfred Sensier, La vie et l’oeuvre de J.F. Millet. Paris 1881. Reading this lengthy work, Van Gogh experienced a shock of recognition which provided him with an example to follow for the rest of his artistic career. Sensier gives a succinct description of Millet’s nature in the introduction: ‘Millet was a melancholy and suffering soul, but he was above all a man with the courage of his convictions; faithful and proud in his religion and his art, he devoted to them all the sweetness of his heart, his repose and even his life, which the harshness of the times made all too short ... His life was that of a wise man, a courageous toiler, a loving father and a devoted friend.’ (Millet était un coeur mélancolique et souffrant, mais il était avant tout un homme fort de ses convictions: fidèle et fier dans sa religion et dans son art, il leur vouait les douceurs de son âme, son repos et jusqu’à sa vie que la dureté des temps n’a que trop abrégée ... Sa vie fut celle d’un sage, d’un travailleur courageux, d’un père aimant et d’un camerade dévoué.) Sensier 1881, p. viii.
The relationship between Sensier and Millet, on the one hand, and that between Vincent and Theo, on the other hand, have several things in common. Sensier provided Millet with financial support, for example (‘Always requests for money’, p. 196), sent him paint (p. 122), helped him to sell his work, and viewed him as an ‘elder brother’ (p. 147). Regarding this book, see Parsons and McWilliam 1983 and exhib. cat. Paris 1998.
4. This remark is based on Millet’s words: ‘Art isn’t a merry jaunt. It’s a battle, a set of grinding gears’ (L’art n’est pas une partie de plaisir. C’est un combat, un engrenage qui broie), quoted in Sensier 1881, p. 101.
5. Quoted in Sensier, La vie et l’oeuvre de J.F. Millet, p. 147. These words of Millet are quoted again in letters 257, 267, 336, 400, 430 and 493.
6. Millet had written this in a letter to Théodore Rousseau (Sensier 1881, p. 148). This utterance is quoted again in letters 400 and 515; Breitner also quoted it in a letter written that same month, on 28 March 1882. See Breitner brieven 1970, p. 31 and Hefting 1970, p. 41. Cf. in this context Van Gogh’s remark, made earlier in the letter: ‘I’m actually a drudge or a draught ox’ (l. 82).
7. Quoted in Sensier 1881, p. 175 and also – in slightly different words – on pp. 210, 244.
8. Six works are known for certain to have belonged to the first series of 12 drawings that Van Gogh made for Uncle Cor: 1. Street scene, ‘Paddemoes’ (F 918 / JH 111 [2359]); 2. Bakery in Noordstraat, ‘Geest’ (F 914 / JH 112 [2360]), 3. ‘Vleersteeg’ (not known); 4. ‘Vischmarkt’ (not known), mentioned in letter 211; 5. Scheveningseweg (F 920 / JH 113 [2361]); 6. Sand diggers in the dunes (F 922 / JH 114 [2362]), the last two both mentioned in letter 212.
The rest of the series consisted of six of the following eight drawings, as evidenced by their provenance or internal evidence, including the handwriting on the verso: 1. Bridge near Schenkweg (F 917 / JH 115 [3016]), the so-called Schoutweg; 2. Ditch beside Schenkweg (F 921 / JH 116 [3017]); 3. Van Stolk Park (F 922a / JH 119 [3018]); 4. Gasworks (F 924 / JH 118 [3018]); 5. Factory (F 925 / JH 117 [3020]); 6. Bridge and houses on the corner of Herengracht-Prinsessegracht, The Hague (F SD 1679/ JH 121 [3021]); 7. The entrance to the Pawn Bank, The Hague (F - / JH 126 [3022]). Finally, the Station in The Hague (Rijnspoor Station) (F 919 / JH 123 [3023]) could also have belonged to this group. See exhib. cat. The Hague 1990, pp. 170-177 and cat. Amsterdam 1996, pp. 106-108 (nn. 5-6).
[2359] [2360] [2361] [2362] [3016] [3017] [3018] [3018] [3020] [3021] [3022] [3023]
9. A rijksdaalder is 2.50 guilders.
10. Uncle Cor ordered another set of six detailed townscapes at the beginning of April (see letter 214).
11. For ‘ça ira’, see letter 176, n. 1.