1r:1
1Isleworth

2Waarde Theo,
3Het is weer meer dan tijd dat gij iets van mij hoort_
4Goddank het vooruitgaat met de beterschap, ik verlang
5toch zoo naar Kersmis ─ die tijd zal misschien daar
6zijn vóór wij het weten al schijnt het ook lang nog.─
7Theo/ uw broer heeft verleden Zondag voor het eerst ge-
8sproken in Gods huis/1 in de plaats waarvan staat “in deze
9plaats zal Ik vrede geven”_2 hierbij schrijf ik over wat het
10was_─ Moge het de eersteling zijn van velen_
11Het was een helderen herfstdag en eene mooie
12wandeling van hier naar Richmond langs
13den Theems waarin de groote kastanjeboomen met
14hunne vracht van geele bladeren en de helder blaauwe lucht in spiegelden, en
15tusschen de toppen van die boomen door
16het gedeelte van Richmond dat op den heuvel
17ligt/ de huizen met hunne roode daken en vensters zonder
18gordijnen en groene tuinen en den grijzen toren er
19boven uit en beneden de groote grijze brug met de
20hooge populieren aan weêrskanten en waarover men
21de menschen als kleine zwarte figuurtjes zag gaan.
22Ik had een gevoel als iemand die uit een donker
23gewelf onder den grond weer in ’t vriendlijk daglicht
24komt toen ik op den preekstoel stond en het is mij
25eene heerlijke gedachte dat voortaan waar ik
26komen zal ik het evangelie zal prediken ─ om dat
27wel te doen moet men het evangelie in zijn hart
28hebben/ moge Hij het er scheppen.─
32God spreekt/ daar zij licht en daar is licht_3 Hij spreekt en het is er_ Hij gebiedt en het staat er
33en het staat vast_4 Hij die ons roept is getrouw/ die het ook doen zal.─5
28Gij weet genoeg
29van de wereld, Theo, om te zien hoe een arm prediker
30nog al alleen staat, wat de wereld aangaat ─ maar
31Hij kan wekken in ons, meer en meer, de bewustheid en  1v:2
39het geloofsvertrouwen_ “En nogthans ben ik
40niet alleen want de Vader is met mij”_6

41Ik weet aan Wien ik mij vertrouwe
42Al wisselen ook dag en nacht
43Ik ken de rots waarop ik bouwe
44Hij feilt niet die ons heil verwacht
45Eens aan den avond van mijn leven
46Breng ik van zorg en strijden moe
47Voor elken dag mij hier gegeven
48U hooger reiner loflied toe.7

49Roem Christen aan uw slinke
50En regterzijde is God ─
51Waar ’k magtloos nederzinke,
52Of bitter lijde is God ─
53Waar trouwe vriendenhanden
54Niet helpen, daar is God ─
55In dood en doodsche banden
56Ja overal is God.─8

57Maar jongen wat verlang ik naar Kersmis en naar U
58allen/ ’t is mij alweer als was ik jaren ouder geworden
59in die weinige maanden.

60’t Hijgend hert der jagt ontkomen
61Hijgt niet sterker naar ’t genot
62Van de frissche waterstroomen
63Dan mijn ziel verlangt naar God
64Ja mijn ziel dorst naar den Heer
65God des levens, ach wanneer,
66Zal ik nadren voor Uw oogen
67In Uw huis Uw naam verhoogen_9

68O mijn ziel, wat buigt ge U neder
69Waarom zijt ge in mij ontrust
70Voed het oud vertrouwen weder
71Zoek in s’Hoogsten lof uw lust
72Menigwerf heeft Hij uw druk
73Doen verandren in geluk
74Hoop op Hem, sla ’t oog naar boven
75Want ik zal mijn God nog loven.10

76Mijn jongen indien teleurstelling en ziekte en moeite
77ons ontmoeten/ laat ons dan Hem danken dat Hij ons
78bragt in deze uren ─ en laat ons de zachtmoedigheid niet
79vergeten want daar staat geschreven: On this man
80will I look/ even on him who is poor and sorrowful and
81who trembleth at My word.11 Gisteren avond was ik weer te Richmond12
82en wandelde daar op een groot grasveld met boomen omgeven en
83de huizen er omheen waarboven de toren uitstak_ De dauw lag op het gras en het schemerde; aan
84den eenen kant was de lucht nog vol gloed van de zon die daar was
85ondergegaan/ aan den anderen kant ging de maan op. Onder de
86boomen wandelde eene oude dame (in het zwart) met mooi grijs haar_
87Midden op het grasveld hadden de jongens een groot vuur aange-
88stoken/ dat zag men in de verte flikkeren; ik dacht aan dat: eens aan
89den avond van mijn leven, breng ik van zorg en strijden moe, voor
90elken dag mij hier gegeven U hooger reiner loflied toe.13 à Dieu,
91een handdruk in gedachten van

92Uw zoo liefh. broer
93Vincent

34Groeten aan de Hr en Mevr. Tersteeg/ Haanebeek/ v. Stockum en allen
35bij Roos en v. Iterson en als gij den een of ander zien mogt die
36ik ken.─

37 »Uw broer was wel ontroerd toen hij stond aan den voet van den preekstoel en zijn hoofd boog en bad “Abba Vader in Uwen
38naam zij ons begin”.─

94 »Donderdag 8 dagen hoop ik in Mr Jones’ kerk te spreken:14 And the Lord added daily to the church such as should be saved/15
95over Johannes en Theagenes.16

 2r:3
96Psalm 119:19 I am a stranger in the earth/ hide not Thy command-
96aments from me.

97It is an old faith and it is a good faith that our life is a pilgrims progress ─
98that we are strangers in the earth, but that though this be so/ yet we are
99not alone for our Father is with us. We are pilgrims, our life is a long walk/ a
100journey from earth to heaven.─17
101The beginning of this life is this. There is one who remembereth no more
102Her sorrow and Her anguish for joy that a man is born into the world_
103'She is our Mother. The end of our pilgrimage is the entering in Our
104Fathers house where are many mansions/ where He has gone before us to prepare
105a place for us.─18 The end of this life is what we call death ─ it is an hour in which
106words are spoken/ things are seen and felt that are kept in the secret chambers
107of the hearts of those who stand by, ─ it is so that all of us have such things
108in our hearts or forebodings of such things_─ There is sorrow in the hour when a
109man is born into the world, but also joy19 ─ deep and unspeakable ─ thankfulness
110so great that it reacheth the highest Heavens. Yes the Angels of God/ they
111smile/ they hope and they rejoice when a man is born in the world_─ There
112'is sorrow in the hour of death ─ but there too is joy unspeakable when it is the
113hour of death of one who has fought a good fight.20 There is One who has
114'said/ I am the resurrection and the life/ if any man believeth in Me/
115though he were dead/ yet shall he live_21 There was an Apostle who heard
116a voice from heaven/ saying: Blessed are they that die in the Lord for
117they rest from their labour and their works follow them.22 There is joy
118when a man is born in the world but there is greater joy when a Spirit
119has passed through great tribulation/ when an Angel is born in Heaven.
120Sorrow is better than joy23 ─ and even in mirth the heart is sad24 ─ and it
121is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasts,25 for
122by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.26 Our nature
123is sorrowful but for those who have learnt and are learning to look
124at Jesus Christ there is always reason to rejoice.─ It is a good word/
125that of St Paul: As being sorrowful yet always rejoicing.27 For those who
126believe in Jesus Christ there is no death and no sorrow that is not
127mixed with hope ─ no despair ─ there is only a constantly being born
128again/28 a constantly going from darkness into light_29 They do not
129mourn as those who have no hope ─ Christian Faith makes life to
130evergreen life_

131We are pilgrims in the earth and strangers30 ─ we come from afar and we
132are going far_─ The journey of our life goes from the loving breast of
133our Mother on earth to the arms of our Father in heaven. Everything
134on earth changes ─ we have no abiding city here31 ─ it is the experience of
135everybody: That it is Gods will that we should part with what we dearest have
136on earth ─ we ourselves/ we change in many respects, we are not what we
137once were, we shall not remain what we are now_─ From infancy we grow
138up to boys and girls ─ young men and young women ─ and if God spares
139us and helps us ─ to husbands and wives, Fathers and Mothers in our turn,
140and then, slowly but surely the face that once had the “early dew of
141morning”32 gets its wrinkles/ the eyes that once beamed with youth and glad-
142ness speak of a sincere deep and earnest sadness ─ though they may keep
143the fire of Faith/ Hope and Charity33 ─ though they may beam with Gods
144spirit. The hair turns grey or we loose it ─ ah ─ indeed we only pass through
145the earth/ we only pass through life ─ we are strangers and pilgrims in
146the earth_34 The world passes and all its glory_35 Let our later days be nearer to
147Thee and therefore better than these.─
 2v:4
148Yet we may not live on just anyhow ─ no/ we have a strife to strive and
149a fight to fight.36 What is it we must do: We must love God with all our
150strength/ with all our might/ with all our heart/ with all our soul, we must
151love our neighbour as ourselves.37 These two commandments we must keep
152and if we follow after these/ if we are devoted to this/ we are not alone
153for our Father in Heaven is with us/ helps us and guides us/ gives us strength
154day by day/ hour by hour. and so we can do all things through Christ who
155gives us might.38 We are strangers in the earth/ hide not Thy commandments
156from us_ Open Thou our eyes/ that we may behold wondrous things out of Thy
157law.39 Teach us to do Thy will40 and influence our hearts that the love of
158Christ may constrain us41 and that we may be brought to do what we must
159do to be saved.

160On the road from earth to Heaven
161Do Thou guide us with Thine eye_42

162We are weak but Thou art mighty
163Hold us with Thy powerful hand.43

164Our life/ we might compare it to a journey, we go from the place where we
165were born to a far off haven_ Our earlier life might be compared to sailing
166on a river, but very soon the waves become higher, the wind more violent/
167we are at sea almost before we are aware of it ─ and the prayer from the
168heart ariseth to God: Protect me o God/ for my bark is so small and Thy sea
169is so great.─44 The heart of man is very much like the sea/ it has its storms/
170it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too_ The heart that seeks
171for God and for a Godly life has more storms than any other. Let us see
172how the Psalmist describes a storm at sea, He must have felt the storm in
173'his heart to describe it so. We read in the 107th Psalm/ They that go down to the
174sea in ships/ that do business in great waters/ these see the works of the Lord and
175His wonders in the deep_ For He commandeth and raiseth up a stormy wind
176which lifteth up the waves thereof.─ They mount up to Heaven/ they go down
177again to the depth/ their soul melteth in them because of their trouble_
178Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble and He bringeth them out
179of their distresses/ He bringeth them unto their desired haven.─45
180Do we not feel this sometimes on the sea of our lives_ Does not everyone
181of you feel with me the storms of life or their forebodings or their recollections?
182And now let us read a description of another storm at sea in the New
183Testament, as we find it in the VIth Chapter of the Gospel according to
184St John in the 17th to the 21st verse. And the disciples entered into a ship
185and went over the sea toward Capernaum. And the sea arose by reason
186of a great wind that blew_─ So when they had rowed about five and twenty
187or thirty furlongs, they see Jesus walking on the sea and drawing nigh
188unto the ship and they were afraid_─ Then they willingly received Him
189into the ship and immediately the ship was at the land whither they went_46
190You who have experienced the great storms of life, you over whom all
191the waves and all the billows of the Lord have gone ─ have you not heard/
192when your heart failed for fear/ the beloved well known voice ─ with some-
193thing in its tone that reminded you of the voices that charmed your
194childhood ─ the voice of Him whose name is Saviour and Prince
195of peace,47 saying as it were to you personally ─ mind to you personally
196“It is I/ be not afraid”_48 Fear not_49 Let not your heart be troubled.50
197And we whose lives have been calm up to now, calm in comparison
198of what others have felt ─ let us not fear the storms of life,
199amidst the high waves of the sea and under the grey clouds
200of the sky we shall see Him approaching for Whom we have so
201often longed and watched, Him we need so ─ and we shall  2v:5
202hear His voice/ It is I/ be not afraid_─ And if after an hour
203or season of anguish or distress51 or great difficulty or pain
204or sorrow we hear Him ask us “Dost Thou love me” then
205let us say/ Lord Thou knowest all things/ Thou knowest
206that I love Thee.52 And let us keep that heart full
207of the love of Christ and may from thence issue a life
208which the love of Christ constraineth.─53 Lord Thou knowest
209all things/ Thou knowest that I love Thee/ when we look back
210on our past we feel sometimes as if we did love Thee, for whatsoever
211we have loved/ we loved in Thy name. Have we not often felt as
212a widow and an orphan ─ in joy and prosperity as well/ and more
213even than under grief ─ because of the thought of Thee.─
214Truly our soul waiteth for Thee more than they that watch for
215the morning54 ─ our eyes are up unto Thee/ o Thou who dwellest
216in Heavens_55 In our days too there can be such a thing as seeking
217the Lord.─

218What is it we ask of God ─ is it a great thing? Yes it is a great thing/
219peace for the ground of our heart, rest for our soul ─ give us that
220'one thing and then we want not much more, then we can
221'do without many things/ then can we suffer great things for
222Thy names sake.─56 We want to know that we are Thine and that
223Thou art ours/ we want to be thine ─ to be Christians_─ We want
224a Father, a Fathers love and a Fathers approval. May the
225experience of life make our eye single57 and fix it on Thee_ May
226we grow better as we go on in life.

227We have spoken of the storms on the journey of life, but now let us speak
228of the calms and joys of Christian life_─ And yet, my dear friends/
229let us rather cling to the seasons of difficulty and work and sorrow/
230even for the calms are treacherous often.
231The heart has its storms, has its seasons of drooping58 but also its calms
232and even its times of exaltation_─ There is a time of sighing and
233of praying but there is also a time of answer to prayer. Weeping
234may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning_59

235The heart that is fainting
236May grow full to o’erflowing
237And they that behold it
238Shall wonder and know not
239That God at its fountains
240Far off has been raining_60

241My peace I leave with you61 ─ we saw how there is peace even in the storm. Thanks be
242to God who has given us to be born and to live in a Christian country_ Has any of us
243forgotten the golden hours of our early days at home, and since we left that
244home ─ for many of us have had to leave that home and to earn their living
245and to make their way in the world_─ Has He not brought us thus far/ have
246we lacked anything_62 We believe Lord/ help Thou our unbelief.63 I still feel
247the rapture/ the thrill of joy I felt when for the first time I cast a deep look
248in the lives of my Parents/ when I felt by instinct how much they were Christians_
249'And I still feel that feeling of eternal youth and enthusiasm wherewith
250'I went to God/ saying “I will be a Christian too”_
 2r:6
252Are we what we dreamt we should be? No ─ but still ─ the sorrows of life/
253the multitude of things of daily life and of daily duties/ so much more
254numerous than we expected ─ the tossing to and fro in the world/ they
255have covered it over ─ but it is not dead/ it sleepeth_64 The old eternal
256faith and love of Christ/ it may sleep in us but it is not dead and
257God can revive it in us. But though to be born again to eternal
258life/65 to the life of Faith/ Hope and Charity66 ─ and to an evergreen
259life ─ to the life of a Christian and of a Christian workman67 be a
260'gift of God/ a work of God ─ and of God alone ─ yet let us put the
261hand to the plough68 on the field of our heart, let us cast out
262our net once more69 ─ let us try once more ─ God knows the
263intention of the spirit/ God knows us better than we know ourselves
264for He made us and not we ourselves_70 He knows of what things
265we have need/71 He knows what is good for us_ May He give
266His blessing on the seed of His word72 that has been sown in our
267hearts.
268God helping us/ we shall get through life_─ With every temptation
269He will give a way to escape_73
270Father we pray Thee not that Thou shouldest take us out of
271the world but we pray Thee to keep us from evil.74 Give us
272neither poverty nor riches/ feed us with bread convenient for
273us.75 And let Thy songs be our delight in the houses of our pilgrimage_
274God of our Fathers be our God: may their people be our people/ their
275Faith our faith_76 We are strangers in the earth, hide not Thy
276'commandments from us but may the love of Christ constrain
277us.77 Entreat us not to leave Thee or to refrain from following
278after Thee_ Thy people shall be our people/ Thou shalt be our
279God.─78

280Our life is a pilgrims progress_ I once saw a very beautiful picture/79 it was a
281landscape at evening. In the distance on the right hand side a row of
282hills appearing blue in the evening mist_ Above those hills the splendour
283of the sunset/ the grey clouds with their linings of silver and gold
284and purple. The landscape is a plain or heath covered with
285grass and heather/ here and there the white stem of a birch
286tree and its yellow leaves/ for it was in Autumn. Through
287the landscape a road leads to a high mountain far far away/
288on the top of that mountain a city whereon the setting sun casts a
289glory_ On the road walks a pilgrim/ staff in hand_ He has
290been walking for a good long while already and he is very tired. And
291now he meets a woman, a figure in black that makes
292'one think of St Pauls word “As being sorrowful yet always rejoicing”_80
293That Angel of God has been placed there to encourage the pilgrims
294and to answer their questions:

 3r:7
296And the pilgrim asks her: Does the road go uphill then all the way?
297and the answer is: “Yes to the very end”─
298and he asks again: And will the journey take all day long?
299and the answer is: “From morn till night my friend”.81

300And the pilgrim goes on sorrowful yet always rejoicing82
301sorrowful because it is so far off and the road so long_
302Hopeful as he looks up to the eternal city far away/
303resplendent in the evening glow/ and he thinks of two old
304sayings he has heard long ago ─ the one is:

305“There must much strife be striven
306There must much suffering be suffered
307There must much prayer be prayed
308And then the end will be peace.”83

309and the other:

310The water comes up to the lips
311But higher comes it not.84

312And he says/ I shall be more and more tired but also nearer and
313nearer to Thee.85 Has not man a strife on earth? But there
314is a consolation from God in this life. An angel of God/
315comforting men ─ that is the Angel of Charity_ Let us not
316forget Her_─ And when everyone of us goes back to daily
317things and daily duties/ let us not forget ─ that things are
318not what they seem, that God by the things of daily life teacheth
319us higher things, ─ that our life is a pilgrims progress and
320that we are strangers in the earth ─ but that we have a God and
321Father who preserveth strangers,86 ─ and that we are all
322bretheren.─87
323Amen.

324And now the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love
325of God, our Father, and the fellowship of the Holy Ghost,
326be with us for evermore_
327Amen_88

328(Reading Scripture Psalm XCI)

 3v:8
330Tossed with rough winds and faint with fear,
331Above the tempest soft and clear
332What still small accents greet mine ear
333“’t Is I/ be not afraid.”

334’t Is I, who washed thy spirit white;
335’t Is I, who gave thy blind eyes sight,
336’t Is I, thy Lord, thy life/ thy light,
337’t Is I/ be not afraid_

338These raging winds, this surging sea
339Have spent their deadly force on me
340They bear no breath of wrath to Thee
341’t Is I/ be not afraid.

342This bitter cup/ I drank it first
343To Thee it is no draught accurst
344The hand that gives it thee is pierced
345“’t Is I/ be not afraid_

346When on the other side thy feet,
347Shall rest, mid thousand welcomes sweet;
348One well known voice thy heart shall greet ─
349’t Is I/ be not afraid.

350Mine eyes are watching by thy bed
351Mine arms are underneath thy head
352My blessing is around Thee shed
353“’t Is I/ be not afraid_89

354Nogmaals een hand in gedachten ─ gisteren avond was
355ik te Turnham Green om daar dienst te doen voor Mr Jones die
356niet wel was. Ik wandelde er heen met den oudsten jongen/ 17
357jaar maar is zoo groot als ik en heeft een baard. Hij zal later
358in de zaken gaan/ zijn Vader heeft eene groote fabriek/ hij heeft een
359braaf/ goed/ gevoelig hart en eene groote behoefte aan Godsdienst/ zijn
360hoop en verlangen is om goed te doen onder de werklieden in zijn later leven/
361'ik recommandeerde hem “Felix Holt” van Elliott.─90 Het was mooi in
362het park91 met de oude iepen boomen in den maneschijn en de dauw op
363het gras_─ Het was mij zoo goed in ’t kerkske, ’t is een houten kerkske/92
364te spreken. Dag Theo_ Dag jongen/ ik hoop ik het zoo geschreven heb dat
365Gij het zult kunnen lezen. Houd U
366ferm en wordt maar spoedig beter.


37-38 Uw [...] begin”.─ < In the left margin on p. 1, l. 1-31 (Isleworth [...] bewustheid en).
94-95 Donderdag [...] Theagenes < In the left margin on p. 2, l. 39-93 (het geloofsvertrouwen [...] Vincent).
103 in < in in
112 is joy < joy
114 believeth < believe
173 so. < so:
220 then we want < than we want
221 then can < than can
249 wherewith < wherwith
250 too”.─ < too, ─
251 [page number ‘4’ omitted]
260 alone ─ < alone
276 us < This originally read: ‘me’.
292 rejoicing”. < rejoicing
295 [page number ‘5’ omitted]
329 [page number ‘6’ omitted]
361 Holt” < Holt
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